Introduction

Who I Am (As of 3:24 am on Wednesday, December 20, 2006)

1. I am insecure. I have low self-confidence and low self-esteem. There are times when I feel smart, handsome, and worthy of my wonderful friends, but oftentimes I'm just not satisfied with myself.

2. I am a creature of habit.

3. I am a plethora of defense-mechanisms. I am sarcastic, I joke around a lot, and I avoid uncomfortable situations as best I can. I put up walls, because in my experience, when I've told people deep, personal things, they've either betrayed my trust, accused me of lying, or ran away from me. I have some good friends now who I can trust with these personal things, but I can't help but put up other walls.

4. I am pathetically romantic. One of my greatest fears in life is that I'll never fall in love with someone who loves me back as strongly, or that if I do, the love will fade.

5. I am hypocritical. I dislike things in others that I see in myself. This mostly happens with my parents, as I see things I dislike about myself that I've gotten from them, and resent them for it. I'm easily annoyed when I'm sleep-deprived, in a bad mood, hungry, or when I haven't been taking my meds. As I'm often one or more of these things, I'm often easily annoyed. Whether or not I'll address my annoyances in a positive or negative way is relative to which way my mood happens to be swinging. It bothers me when people have frequent mood-swings. Like I said, I'm hypocritical.

6. I am a person with high potential in many areas. I don't reach it as often as I'd like. I could do wonderful things with my life, but I don't. I have the ability to do a million different amazing things. But I don't.

7. I am a supportive friend. If I feel that you are a close friend of mine, consider yourself in good hands. This is a more recent development in my personality, as I used to be much more selfish than I am now. I'll do anything for my friends, and most of them know it. But besides treating my friends to a meal far too often, I am always ready to listen and do whatever I can to help their respective situations. However, don't take advantage of me, my kindness, my generosity, or my creativity!!!

8. I am both outgoing and shy. I get nervous talking to people I don't know. I'm much more likely to sit in a corner and wait to be spoken to than to join a large group of people having a conversation. However, when I'm with my friends, I never shut up. I'm crazy. I'm loud. I crack jokes all the time. But then if someone with whom I feel uncomfortable shows up, I shut down.

9. I am confused. I know that I want to be a outstanding photographer, but I don't know how I'm going to achieve that goal. I know I want a girlfriend, but I don't know if I can stand the pain of breaking up and the aftermath again. I know I want people to like me, but I don't want to change who I am. I know what about myself I don't like, but I don't know how to change those things. I know I want to be perfect, but I don't even know what perfection is, or if it exists.

10. I am carbon-based. My body is 75% water. I use something like a tenth of my brain... I can't remember the exact fraction. I'm human.